The Fatal ‘Head’ache – VIII

I woke up early and decided to skip office. I wanted to be alone.  But, I was not in a mood to even call up and inform Nishigandha. I messaged her that I had running fever and a bad throat. The reply came after 15 minutes. “It’s OK. Take care. Don’t worry, I will manage the training session.” I heaved a sigh of relief and put my cell phone on silent mode. It was time for some soul searching.

If I could change anything, what would that be? I thought over it, again and again. What do I lose? What do I gain? What do I need to change? On an ordinary day, I began this journey. I got lost in the roads of uncertainty. I have come so far. What do I need to change? It’s not that I never complained. Dreams fading… impulsiveness… a killer… my glass palace shattered… a broken heart by the coffee machine. I was torn apart like Gabriel in the game, neither in heaven nor in hell.

At around 1:30PM, I suddenly noticed the blinking backlight of my cell phone. It was a call from an unknown Gurgaon landline number. It must be those credit card guys, I told myself, without paying much attention to the phone number. I ignored the call. Switched on the TV to catch up with the repeat telecast of my favourite soaps I missed yesterday.

I tried and moved on, alone and helpless. In this world of frozen emotions and senses, I searched for a little peace. What do I lose? What do I gain? What do I need to change? My question still not answered…retrospection…dead end…the world for me had been paralysed…my scars still bleeding…afraid of my own vulnerability…got lost in the abyss of darkness…pitch black…the question is way too deep…or maybe it’s as simple. I need to change nothing.

Oh shit, not again — another call from the same number. I picked up the call in disgust and decided to give some verbal thrashing to the tele-caller for his/her “obnoxious” sense of timing.

A couple of credit card companies had called me up yesterday. I had felt a bit proud when they mentioned about my credit history that they sourced from the Credit Information Bureau of India. But now, I felt like cursing myself for doing that. Otherwise why would financial companies with tightened lending norms try to sell unsecured credit at the height of the global financial crisis.

“Hello, this is Namrata from… Am I speaking to Raj… We are an executive search firm. Would you be interested in a position at…?”

“Okay! What’s the job profile?” I replied.

The search executive began narrating the profile. She must be a God-sent angel, I told myself. I could see salvation ahead. God gives you one chance during ordinary times. And we were into extraordinary times. It was hard to even retain existing jobs. I was surely destiny’s child. I closed my eyes. I could see the end of the tunnel. But, wait a second, where’s the light?

She was still narrating the profile. But, my mind got switched off. Not a single word was passing through my ears. I put the phone on speaker and focused on the number flashing on my cell phone screen. The number appeared quite familiar. A chill ran down my spine. I quickly got hold of my office I-card. Holy shit! It was my office board number. What an idiot I was, I thought.

“Does this sound interesting?” she asked.

The voice on the other side began sounding quite familiar to me. It seemed as if I had heard this voice a million times. Could this be someone from HR trying to spy on me? Nishigandha had told me earlier that HR keeps a track of resumes of employees being updated on job portals. Could this be someone from my team spying on me at Nishigandha’s behest?

“Sounds nice! But, Namrata I am not interested in any lateral movements right now. I am quite satisfied with my current profile,” I told her.

She asked me to think over it again and disconnected the call. It was a close shave, I murmured. I checked the ‘received calls’ list again. I could not still believe what I experienced a short while ago.

I picked up the day’s newspaper and eased myself on the couch. I was mired in myriad thoughts. Bollywood gossips in Delhi Times seemed a good idea to de-stress my mind. I wasn’t aware when I fell asleep on the couch.

I woke up to the tune of my cell phone. It was around 4:30PM. But, this time I was extra alert. I carefully looked at the number flashing on my screen. It left me confused. It was my office board number again.

“Hello, this is Archana from… Am I speaking to Raj… We are an executive search firm. Would you be interested in a position at…?”

This voice was completely familiar to me. I heard it a couple of hours back. The only difference was the name of the recruitment firm and the position being offered. But, why would they call me again?

“Are you Meghna?” I asked her and suddenly there was dead silence on the other hand. I had hit the bull’s eye. After a few seconds I could hear whispers on the other side and then some loud giggles.

“Yes, don’t be angry on me. Nishigandha was missing you, so she asked me to play this prank on you,” Meghna broke her silence and handed over the phone to Nishigandha.

“Hey, how are you doing? Gussa mat karo. You are not well and all alone at home, so thought I should cheer you up,” Nishigandha quipped. “You will never understand how much I care for you.”

“Well, if making stupid calls is what you call caring, I am scared to be cared,” I replied in disgust.

“See the way you are talking. This is attitude problem. No one dares to do that,” she shot back.

“I need to go a doctor. We’ll talk tomorrow,” I told her and disconnected the phone.

I quickly got up from the couch, dressed myself and headed for Saket Citywalk, leaving my cell phone back home. I returned home at around 8:30PM. I picked up my cell phone to check whether Mom had called me or not. She calls me every day between 8 and 9 in the evening.

There were 12 missed calls and all from Nishigandha. The last one had landed five minutes earlier. The question of calling her back didn’t arise and I was mentally prepared for a marathon feedback session on unplanned leave, and how many team members got agitated because of that. And finally, why didn’t you pick up my calls, blah blah blah.

“Sorry, had left my cell phone back home my mistake. That’s why could not take your calls. Will talk tomorrow,” I messaged her and lobbed my cell phone onto the couch.

Nishigandha called back within a couple of minutes.

“What the hell is this? I called you up so many times and you don’t bother to call back,” she screamed.

“Nothing like that, Nishigandha. You know that I am not well,” I replied.

“I know everything, had it been Meghna or …, you would have definitely called back. I know you call them up during weekends t00,” she continued. “Had you not messaged me, I would have banged my car.” she began sobbing.